Not any more

Cat… Lost!

In Canada on August 12, 2010 at 21:00
An actual web thread…
========================================================
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.20am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Poster

Hi
I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing
since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a
poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around
my suburb this afternoon.

Image

This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is
black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my
phone number.
Thanks Shan.

========================================================
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
That is shocking news. Luckily I was sitting down when I read your email
and not half way up a ladder or tree. How are you holding up? I am
surprised you managed to attend work at all what with thinking about Missy
out there cold, frightened and alone… possibly lying on the side of the
road, her back legs squashed by a vehicle, calling out “Shannon, where are
you?”
Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I
will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate
the speedy return of Missy.
Regards, David.

========================================================
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Poster

yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about
mine. I have to leave at 1pm today.

========================================================
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
I never said I don’t like cats. Once, having been invited to a party, I
went clothes shopping beforehand and bought a pair of expensive G-Star
boots. They were two sizes too small but I wanted them so badly I figured
I could just wear them without socks and cut my toenails very short. As
the party was only a few blocks from my place, I decided to walk. After
the first block, I lost all feeling in my feet. Arriving at the party, I
stumbled into a guy named Steven, spilling Malibu & coke onto his white
Wham ‘Choose Life’ t-shirt, and he punched me. An hour or so after the
incident, Steven sat down in a chair already occupied by a cat. The
surprised cat clawed and snarled causing Steven to leap out of the chair,
slip on a rug and strike his forehead onto the corner of a speaker;
resulting in a two inch open gash. In its shock, the cat also defecated,
leaving Steven with a foul stain down the back of his beige cargo pants. I
liked that cat.
Attached poster as requested.
Regards, David.

Image

========================================================
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and
how come the photo of Missy is so small?

========================================================
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
It’s a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.
Regards, David.

========================================================
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional
over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny.
Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour
please. Thanks.

========================================================
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you
understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome
constructive criticism. I don’t come downstairs and tell you how to send
text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I am willing
to overlook this faux pas due to you no doubt being preoccupied with
thoughts of Missy attempting to make her way home across busy
intersections or being trapped in a drain as it slowly fills with water. I
spent three days down a well once but that was just for fun.
I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.
Regards, David.

Image

========================================================
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole
photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it?
I just want it to say Lost.

========================================================
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Image

========================================================
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost
and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not
like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it
was your cat I would help you. Thanks.

========================================================
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Awww

Dear Shannon,
I don’t have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend’s cat for a week
but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of
kitty litter, I kept the cat in a closed cardboard box in the shed and
forgot about it. If I wanted to feed something and clean faeces, I
wouldn’t have put my mother in that home after her stroke. A week later,
when my friend came to collect his cat, I pretended that I was not home
and mailed the box to him. Apparently I failed to put enough stamps on the
package and he had to collect it from the post office and pay eighteen
dollars. He still goes on about that sometimes, people need to learn to
let go.
I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed
instructions.
Regards, David.

Image

========================================================
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Awww

Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange.
I gave you a photo of my cat.

========================================================
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Awww

I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of
several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of
this. If anybody calls and says “I haven’t seen your orange cat but I did
find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you
want it?” you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian
bill.

I knew someone who had a basset hound that had its hind legs removed after
an accident and it had to walk around with one of those little buggies
with wheels. If it had been my dog I would have asked for all its legs to
be removed and replaced with wheels and had a remote control installed. I
could charge neighbourhood kids for rides and enter it in races. If I did
the same with a horse I could drive it to work. I would call it Steven.

Regards, David.

========================================================
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Please just use the photo I gave you.

========================================================
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Image

========================================================
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What did you
even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please
remove the reward bit. Thanks Shan.

========================================================
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Image

========================================================
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in
ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.

========================================================
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Image

========================================================
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Fine. That will have to do.

Gary McConnell
Speech Coordinator
Communications
Canada Border Services Agency
613-948-7678
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